escape to insanity

The company I work for is currently undergoing the difficult process of layoffs. Because of the downswing in the economy, and the nature of our primary product, it’s been rough times financially and the decision was made to cut back on the number of employees across the organization. As a result, the last two months have been some sort of surreal adaptation of Office Space in the real world.

The whole process has been a mess. They announced several months ago that they’d be laying off a few hundred people, but then proceeded to do almost nothing for weeks. Any communications were along the lines of “you’re probably pretty safe, but you may not want to decorate your cube much more than it already is.” A little over a week ago, a company-wide e-mail went out, stating that while they don’t have any updates, they’ll tell us more later. Thanks. That’s helpful. Should I dust off my resumé?

What I find most amusing about the whole thing is the ridiculous amount of corporate-speak that gets bandied about. It’s amazing to me just how bizarre some of these people make themselves sound when they come up with these terms and use them, as though no simpler and more straightforward alternatives were available.

This isn’t a period of layoffs, it’s a “workforce reduction program.” We’re reducing the workforce, see? By laying people off. Apparently the word “layoff” must scare people, but “workforce reduction” is perfectly safe. You’re not being laid off, you’re just being reduced – wait, isn’t that worse?

Fortunately, my team isn’t affected by the layoffs, but we may still have to work with those who are “impacted.” You’re not being dropped like a bad habit, you’re just impacted. Cheer up!

My favorite: “rightsizing.” So we’re apparently wrong-sized to begin with? What if we get rid of too many people? Then we’ll be wrong-sized again? Will we have to rightsize again at that point to undo the previous right-sizing, which turned out to be wrong-sizing anyway? I think it would be better if they’d just say it like they mean it: they’re trimming off the dead weight. Sorry, you perform no useful functions for us. Here’s your box, start packing your desk. Maybe you shouldn’t have brought in that extra little bauble to set on your shelf. Only one box for you.

Meh. I’m not even “impacted” by all this, so it doesn’t really matter. It’s just ridiculous to me how badly corporations tend to handle things like layoffs. When your CEO reports several million dollars in income, but then announces that the company is losing money and a few hundred people need to go, that’s not a great way to boost morale.

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Not you anymore.

Being part of a corporate environment, you quickly find out just how easy it is to get inundated by e-mail. Especially when you work in a role directly involved with your company's website. Those sort of people are the ones more likely to use e-mail as their primary form of communication. At least that's the case on my team.

Some of the people in my department (and in all likelihood elsewhere in the organization as well) are so overwhelmed by the quantity of e-mail they receive on any given day that they're literally days behind on reading their e-mail. (so much for Inbox Zero.) These are the people who you begin to assume will never read your e-mail, or will read it well after it's lost any sort of relevance.

My former boss (who recently resigned to spend more time with her family, and whom we wish well) was one of those people. If you sent her an e-mail and walked down the hall to chat with her about it, it was likely already pushed down past the bottom of her screen by the deluge of other messages she'd received in that 15-second timeframe. She was that busy that any message to her had to be as absolutely concise and short as possible - anything over a sentence or two would never be read in its entirety. She simply didn't have the time for it.

To that end, I've worked from day one on crafting my e-mails (regardless of recipient) under the premise that she would have to read it. I'll type up a message as fully as I think it needs to be, containing all the relevant detail. Then I'll cut it to half its length. That's right, half, if humanly possible. If it still looks like she wouldn't read it, it gets cut in half again. I'll try to stick to five sentences or less if I can.

I've also recently started prefacing my subject lines with shorthand designations. (Sidenote about subjects - for the love of all that is holy, please, make sure that your subject lines are descriptive. You have no idea how many e-mails I get every day that have been forwarded for weeks, where the discussion has changed course three dozen times but the subject line hasn't once changed.)
If I'm asking a question where I specifically need an answer, I'll generally preface the subject line with [ ? ]. If I'm sending something I consider particularly urgent, in addition to marking it “important” within Outlook, I'll preface the subject with [ ! ] (yes, I realize this is redundant, but this gets used more when I have to send a message from our web-based content software, which only allows a subject and a message field.)

Then of course there are the more standard methods like using EOM, and the suggestion of using NRN for “No Response Needed.” The catch is that your recipients need to understand at a glance what these acronyms mean — otherwise they're completely invalidated — but once you get past the learning curve it may be worth it. My question is, are there any other useful e-mail tricks you use or have heard of to make communicating more efficient?

I'm genuinely curious what others are using or have found useful.

Today at work, shortly before noon, I ventured away from my desk on a trek to the refrigerator to retrieve my mid-day sustenance. It was going to be delicious. On my way there, I noticed a box of candy sitting on the counter next to the sink. *gasp* Candy!!! Wooooo!

Oh. It's not free candy, unfortunately. Far from being a gift from some kind soul to those of us in need of a sugary boost, it was instead a fundraiser box. You know, some kid in some club somewhere needs to raise money, so it's decided that they need to peddle some sort of overpriced knick-knacks, or more often food like this. Except it's very rarely the kid doing any of the work — they hand the box to their parents, who trot off to work and deposit the box somewhere where grazers are sure to swoop in on the promise of delectable treats. Anyway… I digress. Here's the box in question.

Note the price: one dollar.

Then I noticed something. There in front of me was another miracle of modern technology and a monument to our gluttony: a vending machine stocked aplenty with miscellaneous treats. Chips, candy bars, even gum. Practically anything you could think of. Except candy unicorns. Those are hard to come by.

Now note the price there: most of that stuff is around 50, maybe 55 cents. Or $0.55 if you wish. Schfifty-five. About half the price of the candy bars in that other box. Okay, okay, I get it. Before anyone yells at me, I understand that it's a fundraiser — you're not supposed to worry about the price, it's going to a good cause. Supposedly.

I don't see any proof that this is in fact going to any “good cause.” Sure, the box says it's for someone's Little League team. But how am I to prove that? There's no Verisign banner, nothing like that. Of course, the person who put it out graciously provided a photo of a kid in a baseball uniform. Slick, but again… no proof. How am I to know that that's even their kid? I'm sure I can find a stock photo of a kid in a baseball uniform somewhere online. See, take a look at… um… my kid. His name is… um… Harry. Isn't he cute? He… um… has leukemia. And he's blind. And his puppy just died. Here, buy some candy!

Cynicism aside, I'm wondering if maybe this person should have put a bit more thought into their endeavour to spoil their kid and deprive them of the opportunity to go peddling their wares door-to-door in some shady neighborhood. When they chose a location for their highway robbery, they were no doubt looking for a high-traffic spot where people were sure to see the sugar and get suckered in. But… they put it right next to the vending machine.

I didn't get out a tape measure, but I'm pretty sure that's not much more than three, maybe four feet. That's it. Maybe not the brightest move? I dunno… if I'm really hungry for some candy, I'm not gonna grab my wallet. I'm going to rummage around in my pocket for whatever change I can scrounge up and plunk it into the vending machine for something cheap yet tasty. These parents might have been better off putting their fundraiser somewhere like… on a table in their department, where the hungry sugar-cravers will have to contend with the law of supply and demand. They have a demand, and the supply here is so much easier to get to.

Oooh this is good.

Today I was checking my e-mail, as I'm wont to do, and decided to check my “junk” folder to see if there was anything of interest that was mistakenly flagged as spam. Bear in mind this is an e-mail account on the tigerblade.net server, so the spam filter isn't quite as good or efficient as GMail's.

I see an e-mail with a subject line that intrigues me, so I move it to the inbox to read it.

Your e-mail has been received by the City of Janesville.

Hmm. What e-mail is that? OHH! I remember now.

About a year ago, I had moved into a townhouse back in Whitewater, and was temporarily out of work. While I was diligently looking for a real-person job, I was also trying to find some sort of work on the side just to keep some sort of cash flow going. I was occasionally pounding the pavement writing down names and addresses of small businesses around town that I thought might benefit from some sort of web work, then sending out e-mails or snail-mail letters asking if they were at all interested in having a website built (or updated if they already had one). Along with small businesses (mostly mom-and-pop places) I had contacted a few of the surrounding cities to ask the same thing. Some just had “webmaster@ci.blahblah.gov” whatever addresses, some had contact forms, some had nothing at all.

In any case, I sent e-mails or filled out contact forms inquiring about web work. Eventually I got a real job and stopped worrying about freelance stuff since none of it panned out. Fast forward a few months… I finished my four-month contract at that job and picked up a new job (which I love), which I've now been working at for about seven months. Today I get an e-mail back from the City of Janesville stating that… that what? That they'd like me to do some work for them? No. This e-mail is to inform me that they've received my submission, and that I can “expect a response shortly.”

Sweet! They've received my submission. Just to be sure, I checked the timestamp on the original form entry (which they conveniently have available to review), and it was submitted September 16th, 2006. Today is November 30th, 2007.

It took them 14 months to receive my note and send an “auto-reply.”

I'd send them a note back to tell them they're a year and some months late, and that I've had two long-term jobs in the meantime, but alas… it was sent from an address that doesn't accept incoming e-mail. Figures.

Looks like I managed a new record last month - only one post all month, and it was about how I haven't written anything in a while. How ironic, but how true. In any case, my writer's block/lack of usable material as of late hasn't really changed much.

However, I have in fact managed to finally move out. Once again I'm on my own. This past weekend I moved out of my parents' house where I've been living for the last six months and into my own apartment. It was a long and painful process, but… it is worth it.

One thing I've learned is, moving into an apartment of your own is freaking expensive. Everywhere I've ever lived prior to this, some of the cost and supplies have been taken care of by someone else. In the dorms, things like beds, desks, dressers, and utilities were provided from day one. In my house senior year with friends, the rent was split four ways, we all brought miscellaneous stuff that added up to make a complete household. In my townhouse after that, between my roommate and I, we had just about everything.

Now it's all on me. I'm amazed at how much I had to spend to stock up a place with the most basic stuff. Garbage cans, garbage bags, dish racks, handsoap, utensils I never realized I needed, tape, lights, the whole works. All on me, and all out of my wallet. It's gonna be fun paying that off. Luckily tomorrow's payday!

In any case… yep. Now I just have to sort out the nuances of the new neighborhood, the new mailman (who appears to be an idiot), etc. We'll see how that goes.

In the meantime, I'm still open to suggestions for stuff to write about. I also need some suggestions for movies to watch - my Netflix queue is empty, and I'm finding myself hard-pressed to come up with movies I want to see but haven't yet. Ideas?

So… I got an interesting voice mail today. First, I was confused because my phone didn't register a missed call, just a voice mail. In any case, I called to check what I had missed. Oh, the excitement!

I'm greeted by the voice of a woman who identified herself as Sarah something. Sarah something is the manager of some such department at a Best Western Hotel in a town a few miles from where I went to college. At first I was confused as to why this woman would be calling me.

As I listened on, her reason for calling became apparent. It's nice to get voice mails where the person actually explains why they called. Anyway… she started to explain that they were working on filling some recently vacated positions. She was looking through applications and found my name, apparently.

Let's back up a bit, shall we? Sometime last year, late August or early September, I had just moved away from my hometown, back to the town where I went to college. I had a townhouse there with a friend of mine, and was looking for a new job. While I was out trying to market my more career-oriented skills, I figured I'd slum it a bit and put in some low-level applications as backups. Just in case I didn't find a “good” job soon enough, I wanted some applications to fall back on: Wal-Mart, Blockbuster, etc. Since I'd worked at a Best Western for a couple seasons (summer/winter between college semesters) previously, it seemed like an obvious choice.

That was early September. Sep. Tem. Ber. Month Nine in a twelve-month year. This is now mid-June. Month Six. Including the month of September, that was ten months ago. Nine and a half if you figure that we're only halfway through June.

At what point is it just too late to call an applicant? Do they really think I'm just sitting around a year later, waiting for that call from Best Western? Do they really think that banquet set-up is such a posh job that I've been hoping they'd call, hoping I'd be offered the chance to slave away, breaking my back for minimum wage, part time? Please.

In any case, I've had two full-time career-oriented jobs. Two jobs that pay more than double what the Best Western bit would have offered, even after a raise or two.

Yeah. I had to laugh after hearing that voice mail. Calling me almost a year after I applied (in a last ditch effort, by the way)?

I think I'll call her back in April to let her know I'm currently unavailable.

Ok… so… it's past three o'clock in the morning, and I'm dead tired. I've been awake since about 8am. That would be eight o'clock in the morning, yesterday. I'm only marginally awake. Believe me, when I say marginally awake, I mean it. Look at that over there. I'm fighting to keep my eyes open, and there's your proof. Ain't I a looker at 3:46 in the AM? I'm about to crash into my bed and lose consciousness for a few hours of sweet sweet sleep, but I figured I may as well post some updates while I'm here.

Because I know you care.

First up, the reason I'm still awake at this ungodly hour after being awake since early yesterday. I just got back from… drumroll please… Spider-Man 3. And holy crap. Holy… freakin'… crap. Fantastic. I've still got goosebumps after that one; the midnight showing was definitely worth it. Venom, Sandman, the second Green Goblin, and Spidey. What a fantastic movie… I won't spill any and ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it. I've just still got the picture of Venom in my head. Ok, enough rambling about that. More later, maybe.

Make that probably.

The other recent development came earlier in the evening. As evidenced by a previous post, I've been unemployed since early in March. March 9th, if I recall correctly. Today is now technically May 4th, I think. I'm pretty sure. I interviewed earlier for a job with a very prestigious company… I wasn't sure how it went at first, and was ready to put it out of my mind if needed.

That wasn't needed.

At about 9pm, shortly before we were about to head out for a night that culminated in Spider-Man bliss, my cellphone rang. I recognized the number — it was the staffing recruiter that had scrounged up the interview for me. I couldn't fathom why he would be calling me at nine o'clock at night; the only thing I could come up with was that I probably hadn't gotten the job and he was calling to break the news.

How wrong I was.

So now… as of this coming Monday the 7th, I'll be rejoining the workforce. I'll be making my semi-triumphant return to the ranks of the employed after a two-month hiatus. Sweet! I'll be doing the long daily commute again, but that'll only be for a few weeks until I move much closer more permanently. Then it'll be only about a twenty-minute drive, which will be nice now that gas is up to $3.29 a gallon. I was thinking about pre-emptively selling off my first-born child just to make sure I can fill up my tank next week. The joke'll be on them when they realize I don't plan on having kids… whatever will they do then? Bwahahahaha.

Ok, I can tell it's time for me to go to bed when I start using 'Bwahahahahaha' in posts. So au revoir, g'night, sweet dreams, whatever you want to hear. It's been a long day, but it's been good. Finally, things are starting to come around.

The upside to unemployment is that you don't have to do anything. The downside is that you don't have anything to do.

As of this previous Friday, I am now once again free of employment. I have no meaningful, gainful employment to speak of, and that will apparently still apply for the foreseeable future.

Thus far, on my second day of actually noticing (I don't count the weekend, since I wouldn't have been at work anyway) I'm enjoying the extra two hours of sleep my body has granted me. I wasn't sure how long I'd be able to sleep in, seeing as my body has grown accustomed to the shorter hours in bed. I've also managed to stay up past my ridiculous self-imposed work-day bedtime, which is nice.

Of course, I can't stay this way forever. I do eventually need to find a job. However… there are complications. One, I'm only going to be living in the area for another two-and-a-half months, so long-term gigs are iffy. Second, it doesn't help when companies you're going to interview with decide to cancel the interview just a few short hours beforehand. No ill will and no names, I'm just saying. It'd be great if I could just score a couple relatively simple one-off freelance gigs to do over the next month or two. Just a mom-and-pop store that needs a simple site to advertise their wares (the kind of place I sent proposals to back five months ago), nothing major. Just something to keep myself busy with.

In the meantime, I'm gonna slip back into bed for a bit, then get up, take a nice long hot shower (oh how I miss those) and enjoy the weather that seems finally to be coming around.

You may have noticed, if you visited the site in the last day or so, that there’s a countdown in progress. At the time of this post, it stands at 10 days, 15 hours, 15 minutes. This countdown is an estimate of the total time remaining until I am once again unemployed self-employed.

The project I was contracted for is coming to a close in the next week and some. The new intranet site will be launching this Friday night (which is going to be an interesting couple of hours) after which I’ll only be needed for a few extra days just to make sure the transition goes smoothly. After Friday the 9th of March, I’ll again be without full-time gainful employment.

On one hand, I’m looking forward to it. I’m looking forward to being able to go to sleep whenever I want, and wake up whenever I want. This whole go-to-bed-really-early and wake-up-equally-early thing isn’t so much fun. I don’t plan to get back into my college sleeping habits, but I would like to go to bed at a reasonable hour (meaning, midnight at the earliest) and wake up sometime after the sun has risen. For the last four months or so, I’ve been getting to work just as the sun is deciding to show its face, and that’s just not as much fun as it sounds.

On the other hand, I’m going to really miss the structure of a full-time job. That’s one of the things that’s nice about school and/or work — there’s always something scheduled to keep you occupied, or at least give you somewhere to be at certain times. Un Self-employment doesn’t really have that sort of structure built into it. Unless I can get me some sort of new job relatively soon, I’m going to be a lazy bum. It’s not that I need a job desperately — I can afford to coast for a little bit — but I do need something to do on a regular basis.

So I guess we’ll see what happens.