escape to insanity

Today at work, shortly before noon, I ventured away from my desk on a trek to the refrigerator to retrieve my mid-day sustenance. It was going to be delicious. On my way there, I noticed a box of candy sitting on the counter next to the sink. *gasp* Candy!!! Wooooo!

Oh. It's not free candy, unfortunately. Far from being a gift from some kind soul to those of us in need of a sugary boost, it was instead a fundraiser box. You know, some kid in some club somewhere needs to raise money, so it's decided that they need to peddle some sort of overpriced knick-knacks, or more often food like this. Except it's very rarely the kid doing any of the work — they hand the box to their parents, who trot off to work and deposit the box somewhere where grazers are sure to swoop in on the promise of delectable treats. Anyway… I digress. Here's the box in question.

Note the price: one dollar.

Then I noticed something. There in front of me was another miracle of modern technology and a monument to our gluttony: a vending machine stocked aplenty with miscellaneous treats. Chips, candy bars, even gum. Practically anything you could think of. Except candy unicorns. Those are hard to come by.

Now note the price there: most of that stuff is around 50, maybe 55 cents. Or $0.55 if you wish. Schfifty-five. About half the price of the candy bars in that other box. Okay, okay, I get it. Before anyone yells at me, I understand that it's a fundraiser — you're not supposed to worry about the price, it's going to a good cause. Supposedly.

I don't see any proof that this is in fact going to any “good cause.” Sure, the box says it's for someone's Little League team. But how am I to prove that? There's no Verisign banner, nothing like that. Of course, the person who put it out graciously provided a photo of a kid in a baseball uniform. Slick, but again… no proof. How am I to know that that's even their kid? I'm sure I can find a stock photo of a kid in a baseball uniform somewhere online. See, take a look at… um… my kid. His name is… um… Harry. Isn't he cute? He… um… has leukemia. And he's blind. And his puppy just died. Here, buy some candy!

Cynicism aside, I'm wondering if maybe this person should have put a bit more thought into their endeavour to spoil their kid and deprive them of the opportunity to go peddling their wares door-to-door in some shady neighborhood. When they chose a location for their highway robbery, they were no doubt looking for a high-traffic spot where people were sure to see the sugar and get suckered in. But… they put it right next to the vending machine.

I didn't get out a tape measure, but I'm pretty sure that's not much more than three, maybe four feet. That's it. Maybe not the brightest move? I dunno… if I'm really hungry for some candy, I'm not gonna grab my wallet. I'm going to rummage around in my pocket for whatever change I can scrounge up and plunk it into the vending machine for something cheap yet tasty. These parents might have been better off putting their fundraiser somewhere like… on a table in their department, where the hungry sugar-cravers will have to contend with the law of supply and demand. They have a demand, and the supply here is so much easier to get to.