Willing to Help
You've all seen it. Every once in a while, someone sends around one of those “everything you ever wanted to know about me” emails or such, where there's a ridiculous number of questions about things like “what was the last movie you saw?” or “what shirt are you wearing now?” You know, critically important things to know about someone. Well, Kate posted one on her Xanga page, and me being the dutiful little reader, I copied it and posted my own answers. I should probably have spent the time writing my management paper, but meh. Today she was reading my responses, and decided I had a trend of depressing answers.
Kate, being the awesome person that she is, felt bad that I'm generally unhappy, and offered her assistance - “if there's anything I can do to help…” That statement made me wonder. Why is it that I find myself willing to do just about anything to help out someone else, but not myself? If a friend of mine is having problems emotionally or otherwise, I'm more than willing to do whatever they need so they feel better. But when it comes to my own problems, I'm just about helpless. Why is that?
I can't count the times I've helped someone through a depression, or any number of hard times in their lives. I've always been the person to go to with problems, the rock that people can count on. But when I realize I have problems of my own, there's nothing I can do. Why? I honestly don't really know why that is. Is it because I believe I can't afford to have problems? I don't know, and that's troubling.
I'm not depressed. Really, I'm not. Believe me, I've just spent an entire semester learning about psychological problems, and I know this isn't depression. If anything, it's probably just dysthymia, although it's been quite a while since I can remember being truly happy. That's not to say that I'm constantly unhappy; there are times when I'm perfectly fine, times when I'm absolutely happy. It's just that those times are pretty rare. The problem is that I'm not sure why I'm unhappy, and I'm not sure what to do about it. If it were someone else posting this, I'd probably come up with some kind of inspirational pep talk to cure their spirits. God knows I've done it a million times before and will probably do it a million times more. But when it's me… I've got nothing. That can't be good. Hmm.
Kate said,
December 15, 2005, 3:21 am
You'll figure it out eventually, Tom. ;) Hang in there.
Emily said,
December 15, 2005, 8:56 am
You are not helpless, believe me. I have the same problem. I help everyone, except myself. But I guess tahst the way life goes. I feel like there is no escape from my own world and problems. Ya know? Almost like since you help so many people with their own problems, it's like why should i have any problems? Almost like perfection is possible to achieve, but really, its not. I talked to my priest about it{confession} and he flat out said…life is shitty but…theres always someone to bear your cross with you. I guess that was one thing I had to realize. I couldnt always work out everyones problems because, I in turn, have problems of my own to deal with. I know you think im babbling, but I guess thast how I feel and it helped me with my problem. To realize it was okay to have problems, as long as you dont try to fix all of them at once. You'll get through it, dont worry. Email me if it helped the slightest bit. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas!
thebigbrother said,
December 16, 2005, 4:00 am
If you've never watched CNBC then you're missing out. Find the timeslot for JimCramer's MadMoney. The most ridiculous show (possibly ever) but a must see if for nothing other than an awesome blog entry. Happiness - Guaranteed.
If you feel up to it - keep reading. I'm about to unveil the secret to happiness… “Don't care what others think, say, or do.” Ok, let me explain. This isn't the superficial teenangst answer of 'I don't care what you think' cause most of the time we do. This is the find yourself FIRST before comparing yourself. Once you are comfortable as yourself - the world becomes a shinier place. Easier said than done, sure. But well worth the journey.
thebigbrother said,
December 16, 2005, 4:05 am
In the story of 'Alice In Wonderland', Alice walks along and comes to a fork in the road. She looks up to see the Cheshire Cat looking back. “Which way do I go?”, Alice asks. “That depends on where you are going,” replies the Cat. “It doesn't much matter,” says Alice. The Cat, in infinite wisdom replies (pause for effect) “Then it doesn't matter which way you go.”
Think about it.